Halls of Torment

If Vampire Survivors is an out-of-control slot machine, Halls of Torment is a carefully sharpened dagger, with a handle carved out of every ARPG you lost months of your life to in the late ‘90s. It’s gory, crunchy, stylishly low-res, and now (God help us all) it’s on mobile.

At a glance, it’s familiar: endless hordes, XP gems raining from the heavens, screen-filling hellfire. But Halls wants you to earn your destruction. There’s no free ride here, at least not until you turn off the manual attack setting after about 12 seconds of clicking your mouse like a caffeinated goblin. Until then, it’s you, your weapon, and an ocean of unholy meat.

Each 30-minute run feels like tumbling into a meat grinder with a spreadsheet. You’ll obsess over stats like Force, Knockback, and Crit Multiplier as your robed war criminal of choice melts ghouls in claustrophobic catacombs. There are no “builds” so much as build intentions, plans that rise or fall based on what loot you wrest from the game’s roving bosses or unearthed from the abyss.

And what an abyss. With its gorgeous pre-rendered sprites and full-body nostalgia flex, HoT feels like someone dragged a Pentium III out of Hell and made it spit fire. The Exterminator’s flamethrower alone is worth the download.

So go ahead. Crack open the Halls. Just don’t expect to claw your way out before the bus arrives or your battery dies. It’s 1999 all over again, and Diablo is smiling.